07-06-2016, 05:27 PM
In this marketplace it is often very difficult to find qualified people to fill positions. This is especially true in the case of the Republican Party Vice Presidential candidate position. As a result of almost every currently seated republican running to the wings when approached, a broader audience must be approached.
BASIC JOB REQUIREMENTS
You must be thin skinned, deaf, blind, oblivious, and most importantly must worship "The Donald".
You must be prepared to compromise your ethics and morals, and have no more than a passing familiarity with the truth.
You must ignore the over 99% of scientists, and believe that climate change is a hoax. You must believe that you know better than a woman what to do with her body. You must pandor to the lowest and least educated population, who will believe anything, as long as you yell it really loud.
You must hate immigrants, regardless of the fact that over 95% of the population is immigrants. You must believe that immigrants are stealing our jobs, regardless of all data to the contrary. You must believe that we must isolate ourselves from the rest of the world, and stay within our big tall walls.
You must be closely tied to corporate interests that benefit and profit from military spending, be prepared to broker deals with them, and be prepared to dodge all questions regarding what crushing debt would arise from that.
You must keep your head stuck in the sand, ignore the obvious need for clean energy, and instead promote the perpetuation of fossil fuels.
You must adhere to the philosophy of trickle down economics, regardless of how it has been shown to fail EVERY time, and has only resulted in huge debt.
You must cling to and promote the idea that only the "haves" are entitled to health care and/or education.
JOB PAY AND TERM
While this is a temporary position, there is a fair chance of promotion via sudden exit of your boss, assuming you wear your bullet proof vest.
You must be prepared for this to be the last job you ever have.
Book deals are a given. Kickbacks from corporate interests are all but assured.
MISC
Additional related skills are: having declared bankruptcy a dozen times, yet claim that you know how to run a business; having no related skills or training whatsoever; and a tendency to make stuff up and spread it around like gospel.
Whining and complaining is highly encouraged. Blaming everybody else for your shortcomings and failures is essential.
Choosing essentially the same wife 3 times, yet expecting a different outcome, goes a long way toward illustrating your wisdom and ability to foresee positive results. (unfortunately John Derek died before he could apply).
Sloppy dressing is a plus. Failure to know that you should button your jacket when standing is basic.
Twitter skills are a must. A propensity for knee-jerk ill-conceived responses is a huge plus.
Ridiculous hair optional
Anyone with an I.Q. over that of a door knob need not apply.
BASIC JOB REQUIREMENTS
You must be thin skinned, deaf, blind, oblivious, and most importantly must worship "The Donald".
You must be prepared to compromise your ethics and morals, and have no more than a passing familiarity with the truth.
You must ignore the over 99% of scientists, and believe that climate change is a hoax. You must believe that you know better than a woman what to do with her body. You must pandor to the lowest and least educated population, who will believe anything, as long as you yell it really loud.
You must hate immigrants, regardless of the fact that over 95% of the population is immigrants. You must believe that immigrants are stealing our jobs, regardless of all data to the contrary. You must believe that we must isolate ourselves from the rest of the world, and stay within our big tall walls.
You must be closely tied to corporate interests that benefit and profit from military spending, be prepared to broker deals with them, and be prepared to dodge all questions regarding what crushing debt would arise from that.
You must keep your head stuck in the sand, ignore the obvious need for clean energy, and instead promote the perpetuation of fossil fuels.
You must adhere to the philosophy of trickle down economics, regardless of how it has been shown to fail EVERY time, and has only resulted in huge debt.
You must cling to and promote the idea that only the "haves" are entitled to health care and/or education.
JOB PAY AND TERM
While this is a temporary position, there is a fair chance of promotion via sudden exit of your boss, assuming you wear your bullet proof vest.
You must be prepared for this to be the last job you ever have.
Book deals are a given. Kickbacks from corporate interests are all but assured.
MISC
Additional related skills are: having declared bankruptcy a dozen times, yet claim that you know how to run a business; having no related skills or training whatsoever; and a tendency to make stuff up and spread it around like gospel.
Whining and complaining is highly encouraged. Blaming everybody else for your shortcomings and failures is essential.
Choosing essentially the same wife 3 times, yet expecting a different outcome, goes a long way toward illustrating your wisdom and ability to foresee positive results. (unfortunately John Derek died before he could apply).
Sloppy dressing is a plus. Failure to know that you should button your jacket when standing is basic.
Twitter skills are a must. A propensity for knee-jerk ill-conceived responses is a huge plus.
Ridiculous hair optional
Anyone with an I.Q. over that of a door knob need not apply.
94 Midnight Metallic Blue Cab Porsche 968 w/deviating cashmere/black interior and WAY too many mods to list - thanks to eric for creating www.968forums.com
"It isn't nearly as expensive to do it right as it is to do it wrong."
(This post was last modified: 07-06-2016, 05:42 PM by flash.)
